I admit it. I’m an Achievement whore. My Gamer Score isn’t the most impressive, and that’s fine with me. More important to me is the challenge of acquiring each Achievement and holding the title of accomplishment that comes along with it. Few things are sweeter than the gentle sound of your Xbox 360 alerting you that an Achievement has been unlocked. I’ve played every superhero game on the 360, and I’ve come across some pretty weird, and even annoying achievements, and this week I’m celebrating the ones I love, and the ones that confuse me.
Also, for any PlayStation 3 owners reading, let’s face it…Trophies are the poor man’s Achievements.
The Cake (15G): The cake is not a lie in Wolverine! A delicious 15G adds to your Gamer Score when you enter the presence of this pink pastry, but it’s not easy to spot. Some strategically placed teleportation pods will send you to the dessert, but you may have to use your feral instincts to point you in the right direction.
WoW! (15G): It’s not Lordaeron, it’s Canada! Deep in the woods near Alkali Lake is the mighty sword of Prince Arthas Menethil from fellow Activision game World of Warcraft. I just wish the Lich King would have shown up so I could put my adamantium claws through his throat.
Found! (15G): Sometimes it pays to be “LOST”! Unfortunately, you don’t have any dynamite to get into this mysterious hatch in the ground, but just coming across it is hilarious. I wonder if Desmond is down there!
Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters
Get Dizzy Y’all! (20G): Mastering constructs with his ring and conquering difficult stages are among the 40 different Achievements you as Green Lantern can earn in Rise of the Manhunters, but while such accomplishments offer mere chicken feed of 10-15 Gamer Points, simply spinning around and giving yourself a headache adds a nice 20G to your Gamer Score. Apparently rotating the left thumbstick sending Hal Jordan into a frantic spin ten times and making him look like he might vomit is more rewarding than the basic duties of being a Green Lantern. It certainly looks funny at least.
Lego Batman
Boy Wonder (10G): Every Robin has a history of being quite the agile acrobat, and the Lego counterpart is no different. Robin has the unique ability to preform the most beautiful and most useless back flips in video game history. Though there is no point in the game where you actually need to do any back flips, chaining twenty consecutive back flips together earns you 10Gs.
Oh, I got a live one here! (10G): Catch the Jack Nicholson reference? Joker is without a doubt my favorite character to play as in Lego Batman. Between using his butt to flip switches, always failing at his double jump attack, and his signature deadly hand-buzzer, murdering innocent cute Lego characters feels spectacular. AND I DON’T LIKE SHARING! So when my friend decided to play as Joker, too, I greeted him with an electrifying hand shake and discovered a beautiful Achievement!
Unfortunately, not all our hero’s Achievements can be as charming as cake and cute electrocutions. Some of them are just dumb.
Spider-Man 3
Hitchhiker ( 20G): You’re Spider-Man! You can web-swing between skyscrapers, and crawl on virtually any surface. But who the hell wants to commute like a superhero? That’s too exciting, right? Why not try putting up with New York traffic like a normal boring citizen? Climbing on top of a vehicle and riding it for the game’s equivalent of five miles earns you this title, but unless you’re an Achievement whore like me, your reputation will be just fine without this “Achievement.”
Not That Super (0G): Yes, that is zero Gamer Points for this Achievement. You unlock “Not that Super” by entering any cheat code. And if you’re naive enough to play this game, you’ll likely be scoring this one because it’s impossible to not get frustrated and burn the game disc without using cheats.
X-Men: The Official Game
Xavier Institute (0G): The difference between this zero point Achievement and Superman’s is that Superman’s is humorous. “Xavier Institute” however is just plain stupid. To unlock this Achievement you complete a training mode with Iceman, Night Crawler, and Wolverine, and it’s actually a zero point Achievement for each character, so it’s three useless Achievements. What’s the point of attempting to earn an Achievement in a video game if I get no reward for it?
X-Men (50G): This Achievement is just plain silly. By unlocking all the Achievements in the game, you’re rewarded with an extra 50 point Achievement. An Achievement for unlocking Achievements…I guess I won’t complain!
The Incredible Hulk
Patron of the Arts (15G): One of the most useless unlockables found in almost every movie tie-in game is concept art. It’s never interesting or worth looking at, but the developers of Hulk so badly wanted you to look at the boring concept art that they were willing to give you an Achievement for it. Hell, I’ll take a free 15Gs.
Dragon Ball Z: Raging Blast 2
Denouement (40G): I never sit through movie credits unless it’s a Marvel Studios film, but in DBZ they give you 40 points just to select the option to play the credits. You do have to complete Galaxy Mode with every character, but you don’t have to actually sit through all the credits, just select the option to watch them.
I don’t like the easy Achievements. For me, they’re something to be earned. Something to be truly achieved. I appreciate the odd and ridiculous like trying to make Hal Jordan vomit or a random LOST reference, but it’s the way too simple or even useless Achievements like “Xavier Institute” that annoy me. I just want developers to continue to be creative with their Achievements, and give the players something to really strive for. That’s what a good Achievement should Achieve.
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Andrew Hurst
andrewhurst@comicattack.net
@andrewEhurst
Hulk looks like he’s starring in a musical