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Hello, everyone!  Welcome to another exciting edition of Marvel Snapshot!  The regular columnist, Billy, is out in space right now with the Guardians of the Galaxy, trying to get a handle on the situation with the Fault.  While he is away, the Comic Attack powers that be have graciously allowed me to play in Billy’s sandbox on the condition that I put the cover back on when I’m done so cats don’t get into it.

Okay, now for a show of hands.  Who likes blazing gun battles?  Who likes assassins?  Who likes pretty women?  Who likes blood vendettas against all the killers of the world?  Who likes monkeys?  Yeah, I said monkeys.  No, I’m not off my rocker.  We’re here to talk about, none other than, Hit-Monkey!

There was once an assassin whose name has since been forgotten.  He was hired to take part in a political coup in Japan.  Somewhere along the way, an act of treachery caused the coup to fail and there was a bounty placed on the assassin’s head.  The Japanese military had the assassin dead to rights, but the assassin was crafty.  Activating a remote explosive, the assassin was able to escape, but his actions against the military only increased the bounty on his head.  He fled to the mountains.  After four days of doing nothing but moving, the assassin collapsed.

The assassin woke to find himself in a hot spring, surrounded by a tribe of Japanese Macaque.  The monkeys allowed the assassin to rest, fed him healing herbs, and accepted him into their clan.  Yes, these monkeys welcomed the stranger.  All except for one.  A particular young, male monkey sensed something was wrong with their guest.  Somehow, he knew the stranger was bad juju.  He lashed out at his clan, but it fell on deaf ears.  The other monkeys ignored the angry youth.

The assassin would often survey the surrounding area for evidence of the inevitable.  He knew there was a large bounty on his head and he knew that it would only be a matter of time until someone came to collect.  The assassin trained for the unavoidable fight.  Not wanting to draw attention by firing weapons, or run down his ammo, he practiced the old ways of killing – hand to hand combat.  The assassin built snowmen and got busy kicking their asses.  The young, angry monkey would silently watch.  The assassin was aware of his audience, however, and told the young monkey that he was wise not to trust him.  The monkey couldn’t speak English, so he didn’t know what the hell the guy was talking about, but the monkey did understand what he had witnessed.  After the assassin went back to the camp, the monkey finished off the rest of the snowmen in the same style he had seen.

As winter went on, the assassin’s health kept getting worse.  Since he was taken in as part of their clan, the monkeys did all they could to help him try to get better.  Still upset, the young monkey lashed out against his tribe once again.  This time he delivered a beating to those standing near, just as he had seen the assassin do to the snowmen.  This was not their way.  The monkeys banished their angry member from the tribe.

Days and days went by as the monkey wandered the mountain.  On one particular day, he saw what the assassin was expecting.  More assassins!  The young monkey had to warn his tribe.  With all the strength that he had left, he hauled ass back to his home.  Silently, he ran harder than he had ever ran in his life, but it was too late.  Six armed men had the hot spring the assassin was bathing in surrounded.  “I will live on,” the assassin promised as he stared down the barrels of their guns.  The hot spring turned red with blood.

The monkeys, having welcomed the assassin into their clan, wouldn’t stand for what they had just witnessed.  Immediately they began pelting the gunmen with snowballs.  Bullets against snowballs, though…it was a short conflict and the young angry monkey could do nothing but watch.  Watch and then retrieve the assassin’s duffel bag….

With maneuvers that only a monkey was capable of, armed to the teeth, the monkey took out his family’s murderers.  His family now dead and nothing left of his home, he became a killer of killers.  He became a legend.  He became…Hit-Monkey!

It wasn’t the end of the assassin, however.  He has since returned, Obi-Wan style, to teach the monkey the ways of the assassin.  Those who were after the assassin still knew him to be alive.  He taught the monkey to use that to his advantage.  He taught the monkey to think ruthlessly and to show no mercy.

Hit-Monkey also gets the ladies….

Hit-Monkey was recently seen going after the assassin Deadpool.  Since Deadpool has been on a quest to become a hero, he was in New York City to “team up” with Spider-Man.  Who better to learn the ways of a hero from, right?  As you can imagine, this “team up” was just as crazy as an episode of The Odd Couple.  Things got even more wild when they had to throw down against Hit-Monkey.

Recommended Reading:
Hit-Monkey #1(One-Shot)*
Deadpool #19-21 (2008 to Current)*
Hit-Monkey (Three-issue Limited Series, currently running)*These issues are collected in Deadpool Volume 4: Monkey Business hardcove

Hit-Monkey’s current whereabouts are unknown….

Aron White
aron@comicattack.net