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Hi, there!  Do you often find yourself looking in the mirror and saying to yourself, “Self, I’m a little bit confused about all the awesomeness that Aron has been covering in recent Zenescope Reviews: Grimm Fairy Tales“?  You do?  Well…me, too!  So what I’m going to do is take you back.  All the way back.  To the beginning.  Starting with Grimm Fairy Tales #1.

I’ll be covering a lot of ground, mainly on the story, so make sure you packed a pair of clean underwear, fasten your seat belt, and get your popcorn ready, because this ride is taking off!  Also, stay in your seats at all times!  There will be NO hanky panky or tomfoolery on this field trip.

Grimm Fairy Tales #1
Writers: Joe Tyler & Ralph Tedesco
Art: Joe Dodd
Cover: Al Rio

“Red Riding Hood”

A young girl, a junior in high school, is making out with her boyfriend.  He tries to get her to give it up.  She won’t have any of it.  The boyfriend leaves and the girl rushes to her room crying.  She happens to find a storybook she hasn’t read since she was a little girl.  She begins to read “Red Riding Hood”….

Red has been told by her mother to carry a basket to her grandmother’s.  Mother tells her to be careful and to be back by dark.  On her journey into the woods to see her grandmother, a young nobleman rides up to her on his faithful steed.  He says he wants to get it on.  She tells him that they aren’t going to do that anymore.  What they did previously was wrong and that she would rather be asked to the Village Fair.  She ain’t getting it on anymore until they are married.  Red walks away, leaving the nobleman Samuel behind.  Red then passes a lumberjack looking dude who is chopping wood.  Jacob’s his name.  Chopping wood is his game.  He offers to go with the pretty lady for protection and she declines.  Jacob then gives her a knife for protection.  He also asks her to the Village Fair, but she breaks his heart by lying and saying Samuel already asked her (Man, what a bitch!  Even in the Grimm universe, the nice guy finishes last.).  Meanwhile, a big bad wolf has surprised grandma at the door.  Red gets to grandma’s house and sees a massive trail of blood and grandma’s severed hand.  Jacob comes from behind and tries to get her out of the house.  Red sees that Jacob is carrying an ax.  Red puts two and two together and comes up with nine.  She stabs him in the gut and tries to get away.  The big bad wolf pounces on top of her and slashes her shirt, making her big ol’ boobies almost pop out (close, but no cigar).  He’s licking his chops and about to tear her sweet flesh to shreds when my main man, Jacob, comes to her rescue by landing his ax square in the wolf’s back!  Wolf turns back to his human form.  It’s Samuel!  He tells her he just had to have her so badly!

….the young girl wakes from her dream, shocked that a fairy tale had actually given her a nightmare.  She gets up and looks around for the book.  It is gone.  She looks back at the bed and it is covered in twigs and leafs…. 5/5

Grimm Fairy Tales #2
Writers: Joe Tyler & Ralph Tedesco
Art: Aluisio DeSouza
Cover: Al Rio

“Cinderella”

A young girl, new to college, signs up as a pledge for a sorority.  She was so nervous about it, she forgot that she had kept their pen.  She goes back into the room to give the pen back to the girls, and she accidentally walks in on the three girls just bad mouthing her.  The young girl runs out crying (two issues in, and I’m sensing a pattern going on here).  She dries her tears and heads into a lecture given by Dr. Sela Mathers (Sound familiar? Huh?) on fairy tales and the realities behind the fantasies.  Dr. Mathers tells her audience the original version of “Cinderella”….

Cinderella was hard at work, scrubbing the floors.  Her two step-sisters come through the door and track mud all over the place (What two beautiful women in high heels are doing out tromping in the mud, I don’t know. I think they are bitches.) and they tell her she better have the floor clean before mother gets home.  Mother gets home and tells her two daughters about the prince holding a ball to pick his bride.  All the girls are invited.  Cinderella speaks up and her step-mother tells her to mind her own business and clean the floor.  She calls Cinderella a swine and drags her by the hair, throwing her down into the cellar and locking it.  Spirits immediately begin to taunt Cinderella about how she’s not pretty enough and nobody will ever pick her.  Cinderella screams at the spirits to leave her alone.  She’ll do anything if they will just leave her alone.  This catches the attention of one female spirit.  She calls herself Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother.  She can give Cinderella a happy life and punish her step-sisters and step-mother for what they’ve done to her, in exchange for Cinderella’s soul.  Cinderella can have all of that, if she pledges to serve the Fairy Godmother in the afterlife.  A deal is made.  As we all know, Cinderella show ups to the ball looking like a smoking hot knockout.  She has to be home at midnight, though, and runs off leaving behind her glass slipper.  Mother informs her daughters that the prince is coming into town to search each house until he finds a woman fit to be princess.  The girls go back to the house to get ready, but are attacked and pecked to death by a flock of ravens.  The mother escapes inside and refuses the cries for help on the other side of the door.  One raven gets in through the open window.  It flies at the mother.  She is knocked back and falls into the cellar below.  Cinderella slams the door.  Well, Comic Attackers, guess what?  The prince comes by and the shoe fits Cinderella….

….the young girl is the only one still seated after Dr. Sela Mathers finishes her story.  Sela asks her if she is okay.  The young girl responds that she wishes all her dreams would come true, just like in the story.  Sela replies, “Your wishes can come true, Cindy.”  “How did you know my name?”  Sela says she knows all about her and that all of Cindy’s dreams can come true if she’s willing to make a sacrifice…. 3.5/5 (A panel showing one of the sisters with empty eye sockets gives it that extra .5!)

Grimm Fairy Tales #3
Writers: Joe Tyler & Ralph Tedesco
Art: Alexandre Benhossi
Cover: Al Rio

“Hansel & Gretel”

Gina tries to go out on a school night, dressed like a hooker.  Her parents are not going to stand for it and ground her.  Gina packs her stuff and is leaving.  Gina’s brother, Hank, decides to go with her.  They hitch a ride from Dr. Sela Mathers.  Hank’s in the back seat and discovers a book of fairy tales.  Sela decides to tell the two hitchhikers the original version of “Hansel & Gretel”….

Gretel was bitching about having to do chores.  She called her step-mother a slave driver and got into a fight with her father about them.  It is time to eat dinner, and the spoiled brat refuses to come down and eat.  Father tells his brat daughter to live by his rules or get out.  Gretel chooses to leave and go to her aunt’s house.  To get to her aunt’s house, she has to pass through the forest.  Gretel’s brother, Hansel, says that she won’t ever make it.  Father says that Gretel is a big girl and can do as she pleases.  Hansel takes a loaf of bread from his meal and runs off after his sister.  He tries to convince Gretel that living at home isn’t so bad, but Gretel is spoiled and hardheaded.  She’s going to her aunt’s.  Since neither one know their way through the woods, Hansel leaves a trail of bread crumbs so he can find his way back home.  He’s only walking the forest with her for safety.  It’s getting dark, and Gretel trips and hurts her ankle.  Hansel decides it’s too dark to go on, so they make camp.  The pair wake in the morning to find a flock of ravens eating the breadcrumbs.  They set out again and walk all day and night, not knowing where they are going.  They happen upon a house.  A beautiful woman answers the door and takes the two lost siblings inside her home.  Her table is filled with all kinds of candy and sweets!  The lady introduces herself as Sela and tells the teens to have all the sweets they want.  It is time for bed, and Sela watches them sleep with a mouthful of fangs gleaming with drool.  “So young…so delicious.”  Hansel wakes up to find himself in a cage, and his sister is bound and gagged with her boobs about to burst out of her top.  Hansel demands their release, but Sela tells him that they will only be released if Gretel agrees to help her with chores around the house.  If Gretel disagrees, he will stay caged forever and rot.  Five days go by and Gretel is busy doing chores.  She has found where Sela keeps the key to the cage, and she plans to take it when Sela is sleeping.  While Gretel is sweeping, she uncovers a skull and freaks out.  Sela grows some nasty claws and her eyes start to glow.  Gretel pushes Sela away and she gets her head bashed open, on the wall behind her.  Gretel grabs the key from Sela’s neck, frees her brother, and they make their escape.  Sela turns into a creature that only the Violator would find sexy, and chases after the siblings.  Hansel is grabbed by the beast and is eaten.  Gretel won’t leave her brother behind, so she goes back and pushes the creature into the fireplace….

….Hank asks Sela if the story was true.  Gina makes fun of him for it.  Sela says there is always truth in fairy tales, it just depends on what questions you need answered.  It’s getting late into the night, and Sela says she can take them into town in the morning and that they are welcome to stay the night.  They decided that their parents are worried about them and they should go home.  Sela tells them where they can find a bus station.  The two siblings couldn’t wait to get home! 3/5

Grimm Fairy Tales #4
Writers: Joe Tyler & Ralph Tedesco
Art: H.G. Young
Cover: Al Rio

“Rumpelstiltskin”

Milly and her boyfriend, Eric, are sitting on a park bench fighting.  Milly is pregnant.  Eric is not ready to be a father.  He’s got a buddy who knows people who sell babies.  He wants Milly to sell the baby.  They need the money, everybody wins.  This guy’s awesome, huh?  No.  He’s convinced that’s what they’re doing, and tells Milly to calm herself down and meet him back at the car.  A woman can’t help but overhear Milly’s predicament and comes to console her.  The woman tells Milly a story….

A bunch of drunk dudes are sitting around the pub bragging about how special their daughters are.  One drunk tops them all.  His daughter can spin straw into gold.  Of course, he’s laughed at, but he tells them that he will soon be the richest man in the kingdom.  A dude with a bad bowl cut and funky goatee overhears the braggart, and goes to tell his king of what this girl can do.  The king tells bowl-cut dude to go get the guy and his daughter and bring them to the castle.  Clearly, the dude made up the story, but if he tells his king it is true he could possibly have a high position in the kingdom, so he tells his king that the story is true.  The king wants her to prove it.  He puts her in a room full of straw and a spinning wheel.  If she can do it, he will be pleased.  If she can’t, they will both be put to death.  She’s upset.  A dwarf overhears her tears and offers to help her for a price.  She offers her bracelet.  They’ve made a deal.  The dwarf does his thing.  In the morning the king finds the girl in a room full of gold.  She can’t go.  She has to do it again.  If she succeeds, she will be his queen.  If not, she’ll be dead.  The girl has nothing left to offer the dwarf for help.  If she promises him her first born child after she is queen, he will help her one more time.  She agrees.  The king and the girl get married.  She has a son.  The dwarf comes to collect and the new mother refuses.  The dwarf tells her that she has three days to guess his name, or he’s taking the baby.  On the first day, she guesses with every name she knows.  All wrong.  She sends servants about the kingdom to inquire for more names.  Those are wrong.  One of her servants runs into a mysterious man who knows the name she is looking for.  The third day comes.  “Is it, Rumpelstiltskin?”  The dwarf screams that the devil told her and vanishes.  The boy grows into a handsome prince and they all live happily ever after…until the boy turns thirteen.  A mysterious man tells the prince of another prince who was cursed by a witch.  She turned him into a troll-like monster.  The only way the curse was to be broken was for the curse to be passed to another prince given up willingly by the child’s mother.  To seal the agreement, the mother needed only to say the name of the cursed prince…Rumpelstiltskin….

….the woman leaves after telling the story, reminding Milly that children are the most precious gifts of all. 3/5

Grimm Fairy Tales #5
Writers: Joe Tyler & Ralph Tedesco
Art: John Toledo
Cover: Al Rio

“Sleeping Beauty”

Brett is obsessed with Haley Tarlo.  He let Haley cheat off his Economics midterm.  Brett’s friend tells him that he’s an idiot for letting her cheat and that she’s just using him.  Later, Haley tells Brett that her and her friends need some weed for a party.  Haley doesn’t have a car, so she asks Brett if he will go get it.  If he does, he and his friend can party with the girls.  Brett tells Haley, “Don’t worry, baby. I’m McLovin.”  Just kidding.  Brett hesitates, but Haley is quick to tell Brett where to go, gives him the money, her address, tells him that her parents are out of town for the weekend, and gives him a kiss on the cheek.  Brett’s friend bails on him.  Brett goes into the rough neighborhood to make the pick up, alone.  He gets to the spot a little early.  He sees this hot, brunette chick getting into her car.  In the process, she drops a book.  Brett gets out to give it back to her, but she speeds away.  Since he is early, he decides to read it.  The book is “Grimm Fairy Tales.” He opens it to “Sleeping Beauty”….

It’s Sophia’s birthday.  She is all excited to finally meet her prince.  Beforehand, her father (the king) decides it is finally time to tell Sophia the story of her birth.  Twelve mysterious women were invited to her birth to cast spells, ensuring that the baby would have a fruitful life.  An ugly hag barged in uninvited.  She had been banned from the group of women attending the gathering.  She put a curse on the baby that she will prick her finger on her sixteenth birthday, and then she will fall asleep for one hundred years unless someone truly in love with her comes and gives her a kiss.  If the one who kisses her isn’t truly in love with her, he will also be doomed.  Sophia thinks her dad is full of crap.  Tristan, a servant to the king, has a major crush on Sophia.  Tristan’s friend tells him that he’s crazy and that she only looks at him like she feels it too, when she wants him to fetch something.  Sophia tells Tristan to organize the after dinner party.  He gladly obliges.  An old hag gives Sophia a rose, claiming it is from an anonymous suitor.  Well, we know that every rose has its thorns.  Sophia’s finger found one on her rose.  Seven days later, the king summons a prince from a nearby kingdom.  He clues the prince in on the curse and offers his daughter’s hand in marriage.  All he has to do is kiss her and wake her up.  He kisses her.  The young prince’s flesh melts from his bones.  The king puts out a call for any man to come and kiss his daughter.  Tristan is the only one who steps forward.  Sophia wakens with Tristan’s kiss.  A month later, they are to be married.  Sophia doesn’t love him and Tristan can tell.  Tristan talks about this with the king.  The king tells Tristan to give her some time.  She has been through a lot.  She will grow to love him.  Sophia has been seeing this other dude, Alexander.  She tells Alexander that she doesn’t love Tristan.  Tristan overhears and bursts into the room.  Sophia tells Tristan that she doesn’t want to marry her father’s lapdog.  Tristan starts to think the girl of his dreams isn’t really all he thought she was.  He’s angry and tells her that he doesn’t love her anymore.  The flesh melts off Tristan’s bones and Sophia falls to the floor.  Sophia wakes, one hundred years later, a shriveled old hag….

….the dealer arrives.  Brett goes to Haley’s house and her boyfriend answers the door.  Brett asks her about the guy and she tells Brett that he is nice and all, but they don’t have a future.  Brett tells Haley that she’s not the girl he though she was and tells her, “I don’t have your stuff, princess.”  Haley asks what that means, and Brett hands her the money back.  Tells her to have a nice life and wishes her good luck in Economics for the rest of the year.  When Brett gets to his car, the woman he saw earlier is standing there.  She says that some people aren’t who you think they are, and that she believes he has something that belongs to her. 4/5

Grimm Fairy Tales #6
Writers: Joe Tyler & Ralph Tedesco
Art: Josh Medors
Cover: Al Rio

“The Robber Bridegroom”

Tara finally gets a date with the hottest guy in school, John.  Her and her friend Betsy go to a party to meet up with him.  Betsy finds her boyfriend, but Tara can’t find John anywhere.  She ventures upstairs.  She finds John in a room alone with her sister, Michelle.  They both tell Tara they can explain, but she storms out of the house pissed off.  Michelle catches up to her sister and they have a shouting match.  Sela interrupts and tells the girls that she has a story that she thinks will help them solve their problem….

Tendra travels into town.  Her younger sister, Misha, is sent along by their father to accompany her.  Their father doesn’t trust Tendra and won’t let her out of his sight like he does with Misha.  Prince Ivan from Fairfield rides into town looking for a blacksmith to shoe his horse.  Misha butts her sister out of the way and offers to take him, but Ivan wants both the sisters to come along.  The girls ask Prince Ivan why he is in town, and he replies that he is too parched to tell the whole story and invites the sisters to have a picnic with him where he will tell the story.  Prince Ivan is in town searching for a bride.  If he finds a bride, he inherits his father’s throne.  In no other town has he found a woman to his liking, but he tells them that things are looking up.  Misha gets all gooey, and Tendra sees this and gets all pissy.  Prince Ivan asks Misha’s father for her hand in marriage.  The man is honored and grants Prince Ivan his request.  Tendra is very jealous.  The prince returns to his kingdom to prepare for the wedding.  A few days later, Tendra tells Misha that she has yet to celebrate her engagement with her, and invites Misha to a picnic the following day.  At the picnic, Tendra tells Misha that the wedding and happiness should be hers instead.  She pushes Misha off a cliff.  Tendra tells her father that she shouldn’t have let Misha get too close to the edge.  Prince Ivan comes to claim his bride, but is informed of what happened.  Crying, Tendra rushes into his arms for comfort and kisses him.  Tendra and Prince Ivan become married.  The prince takes Tendra to her new home, and later tells some shady looking dude that they have preparations to make.  A group of girls bathe Tendra and prepare her for the evening.  At dinner, Tendra is told that it is a shame her lovely sister couldn’t be with them, as she was younger and her meat was a little more fresh.  Everyone around the table turns into goblins, and they have Tendra for dinner….

….the sisters notice that the crazy lady is gone, and then Michelle apologizes to Tara.  They both vow to never let a guy come between them again. 3.5/5

There we have it, folks.  Our field trip and lesson is done for the day, but don’t be sad.  I have more adventures and more lessons in store for each and every one of you, because each and every one of you is special.  Not bad for the first six issues of Grimm Fairy Tales, huh?  Joe Tyler and Ralph Tedesco keep the madness flowing with the best spots of horror coming in #1 and #5.  The art has its ups and downs, mainly due to the revolving door of artists.  It would have been nice to see them stick to one or another, but that is a pattern that we are still seeing in more recent issues.

Is some of this making more sense to you now?  It is to me, as we’ve been introduced to Sela and Cindy, two characters that play a big part in the conflict that is ahead in issue #50.

A big thanks to Raven Gregory at Zenescope Entertainment for the review material, Grimm Fairy Tales Volume 1.  For prior reviews of Grimm Fairy Tales and other Zenescope Entertainment comics and goodness, click here and have a look around.

Aron White
aron@comicattack.net