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Welcome back to another edition of Wacky Comic Wednesday! Today we continue our rodent marathon and take a look at Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters (vol. 2) #3, part of Dynamite’s revamp, written by Keith Champagne and drawn by Tom Nguyen. If you missed out on the reviews of issues #1 and #2, be sure to give those a look and then head back this way for the third installment of the series.

The story begins with the anticipated appearance of Bruce and Chuck- two of the original four Hamsters- riding horses in the Texas desert. It’s funny enough seeing hamsters ride horses, but one horse is robotic with a fridge attached to it, and both hamsters are wearing cowboy outfits and talk with an unnatural Southern twang. Plus, the two have put on some pounds over the years, earning themselves a plump exterior. Since the Original Four disbanded, these two brothers have taken on a life of patrolling the desert for killer-10 breasted-Chupacabra’s. As night falls, the two crack open a root-beer and reminisce about the good ol’days with Jackie and Clint, when they’re suddenly attacked and subsequently abducted by a Chupacabra!

The brothers awake inside the cave of the ferocious monster who is devouring their once alive horse (although Nguyen drew the dead animal with a big dopey grin on its face… that sick bastard) and notices the conscious fur balls. However, this particular Chupacabra is female and isn’t interested in eating the hamsters, rather, it has taken a liking to Chuck and his, uh… meat. Breaking free of their restraints the brothers tussle with the monster, but find it difficult to battle the scaly creature, and when she is finally set to mount Chuck for his services, Jackie comes to the rescue! This briefly complicates things as the Chupacabra notices the difference between Chuck’s flabby belly and Jackie’s rock hard abs. But unlike Chuck (and Bruce), Jackie has spent his time training with The Golden Child inside of Mt. Fuji, keeping in shape and learning many different forms of martial arts. So he easily defeats the horny Chupacabra, and what ensues is a heartfelt reunion for the three brothers and Hamster fans alike… excuse me while I go blow my nose.

The scene then cuts back to Tibet and the cave of the naked Yeti’s and the exiled monk, Master Lock, where they’re holding choir practice (seriously). Out of nowhere Arnold, Rock, and an apparently alive Jean Claude appear (three of the five members of the new generation of Hamsters), looking possessed. Indeed, their minds aren’t their own as they’ve personally led the Hun army to the hidden cave! With the Hamster brothers watching, the Hun soldiers assault the peaceful Yeti’s, attacking with spears and swords as much as with corny one liners. The issue ends as Master Lock sends a transmission on his computer (apparently calling Jackie for help), and right when he hits ‘enter’ the metrosexual villain Ghengis Khann appears. He’s the one who has the younger Hamster brothers under his control, and he’s even murdered the Dalai Momma! Khann wants the password to the Monk’s Celestial Tracking System hidden inside the monastery, and he’ll make Arnold, Rock, and Jean Claude break every bone in Lock’s body to get it…

Now for some quotes from the comic… and they’re all by Chuck:

“All natural, no silicone, curves in all the right places. Come and get it beautiful.” – Chuck

“Is second base above or below the shirt? Either way, I feel really cheap right now.” – Chuck

“Ouch. There goes my hamstring.” – Chuck

As I’ve already stated, this series has done a fantastic job of paying homage to Don Chin’s original Hamster books. I particularly like the pacing of the series and the structure of how the characters are introduced; each issue spotlights a different Hamster (or five). For instance, the first issue introduced us to the new group: Steven, Jean Claude, Rock, Arnold, and Lucy. The second spotlighted the return of Jackie, and this third issue features Chuck and Bruce. Now, with all the story lines nearing their climax, one Hamster has yet to make an appearance as Champagne seems to be saving the best for last: Clint (the hamster triumphant)!

Stay tuned as next week is the startling conclusion to this spectacular reboot of a cult classic!

Andy Liegl
andy@comicattack.net