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X-Fans, we’re just one column away from being all caught up with The Uncanny X-Piles, and luckily this installment will be brief with only two X-Books to cover: Deadpool and X-Men Forever 2!

Deadpool #31
Writer: Daniel Way
Artist: Bong Dazo

This issue is a Curse of the Mutants tie-in, loosely relating to the events that passed through the first 6 issues of X-Men. Members of the Claw sect of Vampires are hunting down the more peaceful Mystikos sect, who are human-friendly. The Mystikos hired Deadpool to protect them from their blood thirsty brethren, and in this issue, Deadpool delivers on his services…albeit in totally zany ways only Deadpool could pull off. This 2 issue story arc bugged me a little at first; it felt like a stretch to try and tie ‘Pool into an X-Men event that concluded before this arc even began, but this issue erases that notion with funny dialogue and killer art. It’s hilarious that Deadpool refers to all Vampires as “Draculas,” and his goofy ways in eradicating them become even more humorous when you realize the Claw sect is supposed to be made up of the best assassins Vampirekind has to offer…and here ‘Pool is taking them out with a broken mop stick, an x-ray machine, and a reservoir tank of holy water. Toss in Dazo’s smooth art, vibrantly colored and inked by Andres Mossa and Jose Pimentel respectively, and it’s easy to say that this is THE Deadpool book to be reading right now. Looking forward to what the next storyline brings! -AL

X-Men Forever 2 #15
Writer: Chris Claremont
Artist: Andy Smith

The X-Piles faithful know how this series by legendary X-Men scribe, Chris Claremont, has been one of the most painful books for me to review. It’s just bad. Really bad. And this issue was no different. Actually, this issue was worse in the sense that I enjoyed #14, and thought the looming battle between the X-Men and the Avengers could provide a level of entertainment that has since been lacking in this series. Well, I was as wrong as New York Jets Nation in claiming that they’d beat the Pittsburgh Steelers this past weekend. Yeah, that wrong. This issue sucked. Sorry, but it did. I thought that Andy Smith, whose work I have previously praised in this column, would deliver some badass action scenes. Instead, the entire battle fell flat, and all that build up was for nothing. The combat sequences lacked any sort of significance or sequential flow, and mutant powers were used without any real feeling behind them. Nightcrawler (who has Rogue’s abilities now, remember), touched Thor and absorbed all of his power, which was cool. But then when he cuts loose with the absorbed energy, a giant explosion happens, and everyone falls down…and then gets back up literally one panel later, totally fine. Like, what the hell!? I thought the power Kurt absorbed form Thor was charged so much that he just couldn’t contain it, but then it just knocks everyone on their butts for a pointless beat? Weak. This was pretty much what the entire battle was like. Oh, and Havok died. Oops: Spoiler Alert! Havok dies. He dies at the hands of nut job Storm, who cuts loose with a bolt of lightning intended for Cyclops, but Havok jumps in front of it and takes the hit instead. So…wait a second. The power of the God of Freakin’ Thunder wasn’t enough to even K.O. anyone, yet wacko Storm’s measly lightning bolt kills Havok on contact? Ugh. Do you see what I’m dealing with here? Hopefully, you don’t, because if you opened up this book and saw it for yourself you would cry at what you were looking at. I know I did. Good thing I have a tissue supplement nearby in this issue. Oh, and look at that- I’m out of TP! …well, not anymore! Come’ere X-Men Forever 2 #15, I have a new duty for you! -AL

Most X-Cellent Pick of the Week:
Andy: Deadpool #31, no question. X-Men Forever 2 #15 sucked worse than a balloon factory full of Draculas.

For previous editions of The Uncanny X-Piles, click here!

Andy Liegl
andy@comicattack.net