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The preface to the comic’s title, says it all: Everyone Hates Fight-Man! Co-created, written, and illustrated by Evan Dorkin (Fun with Milk & Cheese), Fight-Man #1 is a fun romp into the world of super hero satire, with indie cred to boot! So, join me once again as we journey into the obscure world of Unsung Characters Of Comicdom. This week’s profile is dedicated to the incredibly incorrigible Fight-Man!

Secret Identity: Frank Bigelow (no relation to Deuce)
Alias/ Codename: Fight-Man
Location: Delta City
First Appearance: Fight-Man #1 (full), Bill and Ted’s Excellent Comic Book #9 (cameo, also written by Dorkin)
Powers: Invulnerability, flight, and two over-sized fists that pack one hell of a punch!
Catchphrase: “One shot is all I need!”

Origin: Other than some old photos and vague newspaper clippings of his early escapades as a crime fighter, little is known about Fight-Man’s origin.

Former Sidekicks (deceased): Kid Fight (MIA, presumed dead) Kid Hit, Fight Kid, Kid Fight Girl, Kid Attack, Kid Swell, Kid Vicious, Kid Not-So-Vicious, Kid Effective, Kid More-Vicious-Than-Kid-Not-So-Vicious-But-Less-Vicious-Than-Kid-Vicious (not kidding), The Fight Twins: Fight-Boy and Fight-Girl, Kid Wipeout, Kid Crazylegs, and Kid Nifty.

Current Sidekicks (active): None

Motivation: Fight-Man lives for the fray, but he still has to pay the bills. Since he doesn’t receive payment for his freelance heroics, he’s always looking for new ways to generate some income. To make ends meet, he sells mementos that he obtains from battles with super villains. This ‘evil memorabilia’ mostly consists of illegally obtained evidence from various crime scenes. Some items that can be found on Fight-Man’s online auction sites, include: Glass-Eyed Freddie’s glass eye, Robot-X’s index finger, and Murder Girl’s laser compact mirror (to name a few). He also solicits toy companies in hopes of selling his likeness for an action figure, but due to his lack of popularity, such a venture would be financial suicide for any investor. More of a compulsion than a motivation, Fight-Man takes pictures of his opponents after they’ve been knocked out. These photos are then put into a personal scrapbook and labeled accordingly. Part of this disturbing ritual consists of obsessively flipping through this book on a regular basis. One word, three syllables: ther-a-py!

Allies: Ultimately, Fight-Man’s a loner, but not of his own accord. Over time, he’s just managed to push away everyone that was ever close to him. His isolation hasn’t come without consequence, though. Years of solidarity has had a very negative effect on his mental health. Besides his fetish for looking at Polaroids of unconscious super villains, he keeps his dead parents as companions in his home. Fight-Man’s dad is immortalized in a Feodora, with a fishing pole lodged in between his hip and forearm. While his mom sits frozen, snug in her fuzzy pink bath robe and rain bonnet, with an open umbrella wedged above her head. Both corpses are strategically placed in front of a TV that runs twenty-four/seven.

Antagonists: Jeez! Where do I begin? Fight-Man’s the most hated individual in Delta City. His mailbox is packed to the hilt with death threats, and he’s taunted in the streets on a daily basis. Why is he so despised?  There have been numerous underage sidekicks that have died while in his care. This penchant for endangering children has tarnished his reputation beyond repair. In addition, he has no regard for public or personal property. So, most often, he leaves a devastating wake of destruction in his path. To say Fight-Man is a ‘public relations nightmare’ is an understatement. Over the course of his crime fighting career, he’s punched public officials, accidentally glued his mask to his face, and flew while intoxicated (pre-Hancock). In a popularity poll conducted by a Delta City news outlet, it was discovered that he ranked lower than Adolf Hitler and Charles Manson (yeah, that’s low). Because of his endless shenanigans, he’s often used as cannon fodder for the tabloids and major news outlets. The media does more damage to him than any super villain could ever dream of, but he still has his fair share of super powered foes. There’s a team called the All-Hate Squad, who are constantly at odds with him. Regardless of their numerous attempts to annihilate the indestructible hero, they always have their asses handed to them in a doggy bag. Check please.

His arch-nemesis is a guy named The Hooded-Eye, who looks more like a dude in a lame Eggplant Wizard costume (The Captain N version), than a menacing mastermind. In an attempt to imprison Fight-Man, The Hooded-Eye puts him in an extravagantly constrictive apparatus. After Fight-Man breaks free from his mechanized straight jacket , the one-eyed purple people eater asks him, “how did you escape?” To which Fight-Man responds, “I had to pee.” Apparently, a swollen bladder equates to super-strength. OK, I’ll buy that. I always thought it was binge drinking that made creatine-filled, d-bags act like aggressive primates at the local bar. I guess they just needed to piss.

Weaknesses: Fight-Man has a moral code that doesn’t allow him to hit women, and this rule was almost his undoing. One day, the femme fatale known as Fisticuff-Woman decided to take advantage of his chivalry; she began to attack him with punch after devastating punch. Fight-Man was unwilling to defend himself and received an ungodly amount of physical damage. Unable to escape, his survival mode eventually kicked in. After being thrown through the window of a hardware store, he noticed a pack of Sharpie markers. He pulled himself to his feet, then popped one of the markers out of the package and drew a black goatee on her face. With madness in his eyes, he began to call her Fisticuff-Man. The look of shock on her face was priceless. While she was still stunned, he delivered a brutal uppercut to her jaw. The blow was so massive that she flew through the air and was rendered unconscious before she hit the ground.

Fight-Man may be arrogant, violent, and mentally ill, but his intentions are noble. Although the words ‘Here to Hit’ are written across his chest, the words ‘Here to Help’ are most likely engraved on his heart. If Delta City ever manages to get rid of Fight-Man, he’s free to crash at my pad till he gets back on his feet (as long as he takes his meds).

Josh Jones
josh@comicattack.net