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The Inedible Adventures of Clint the Carrot is one of many independent black and white comic books produced in Nashville, TN during the early nineties. The name of the company that published it was Hog Leg Comics, which pulls a close second place for best publisher name ever! Clint’s story can be best described as a wheat grass induced public service announcement about the corrupt practices of evil candy manufactures (aka anyone who peddles high fructose corn syrup to kiddies) or maybe I‘m just reading too much into the issue. Clint the Carrot #1 is basically a timeless tale of a boy and his oversized root. Together, they fight the living manifestation of sugary processed foods.

It’s time to pick up a rice cake, and put down those cheesy poofs, and creamy filled snack-cakes!  Cleanse your palate and prepare to consume your daily allowance of this weeks Unsung Carrot-er of Comicdom, Clint the Carrot.

Secret Identity: None (previously inanimate)
Codename/ Alias: Clint the Carrot
Powers: Mild telepathy, mixed martial arts, and merciless street-fighting skills
Weaknesses: Hot Dogs, Green Xanthan Gum, high fructose corn syrup, and fat cells
Location: Nashville, TN
Most memorable quote: “I had to kill that wiener!”

Origin: Philo was a five-year-old boy genius who discovered an incredibly addictive ingredient in Boff-Oh Candy Company’s Atomic Blow brand bubble gum. In an attempt to squelch the manufacturer from producing more of the habit forming sweet and chewy balls, he built an elaborate life-giving machine from his home computer with his dial up modem (It’s science!). Philo’s intent was to breathe life into a mannequin of the company’s super hero mascot, Atomic Blow Man, then destroy the company in an intentionally ironic manner. The machine’s coordinates had been set to the exact location that ‘Blow Man’ stood in the local mall. Just as Philo was about to activate the device, a hefty janitor weighed in on a penny scale that printed out health tips from the mouth of a giant carrot. After reading the scale’s printed message, which basically called him a fat ass, the janitor kicked the giant carrot in a fit of husky rage. Coincidentally, the carrot fell directly into the spot where the candy company’s mannequin once stood. Hence, the giant carrot-man was hit with Philo’s ray and sprung to life. Shortly after gaining sentience, he beat the crap out of the janitor, killed a hot dog, and made his way to Philo’s suburban home. Together they became a healthy crime-fighting part of your balanced breakfast.

Allies: Philo gave Clint the Carrot the gift of life. So, he kind of serves a triple role as mentor, guardian, and friend, while Clint provides the muscle in the relationship. And since Clint likes to sucker punch fatties and steal their food, he can be perceived as a bit judgmental (he gives new meaning to the term chubby-chaser). In short, his brash and outlandish behavior limits his allies to an army of one.

Antagonists: King Dong is the plump and flashy CEO of Boff-Oh Incorporated. He has his two flunkies that kidnap vagrants with the intent to transfer their life force into a large lump of caramelized sweet-milk. He eventually succeeds in his venture, and names the resulting abomination The Nougetizer! The creature resembles a crystallized gingerbread man and has the ability to turn people into snack-cakes. His skin is also impenetrable…and delicious. Most creepers prefer an unmarked windowless van. But  King Dong’s goons do their people-snatching in style. Their 78’ Dodge Astro sports a tail fin, heart shaped window, and the words ‘Pimpt Out’ written across the windshield. Regardless of their conspicuous (and awesome) vehicle, they still manage to scoop up their victims without so much as raising an eyebrow. Take that common sense!

The Philo character (a stumpy boy genius with thick rimmed glasses) predates Cartoon Network’s Dexter’s Laboratory by almost four years. Which is funny, because Philo is very similar to that show‘s star. Right down to an elaborate secret lab in his room, and a set of unsuspecting parents. King Dong is mainly portrayed as a silhouette that looks like King Hippo’s shadow (or maybe a fat Sea Monkey?). His full façade is later revealed near the end of the issue in all its ridiculous glory.  Clint reminds me of a character I remember from those FDA sponsored food-pyramid posters that hung in my elementary school cafeteria. With all of these elements combined mixed with a completely original story, it’s nigh-comparable to anything I’ve ever seen before.

In 1994, Hog Leg Comics actually had an office stationed here in Nashville, but the building now houses a packaging store. I googled Clint the Carrot, Hog Leg Comics, and the names of all those involved in the project, and other than a few copies of the first issue for sale on eBay, my search was fruitless. Sadly, it appears that the publisher fell victim to the comic industry’s implosion after the early nineties, but thanks to a plethora of untapped long boxes at my local comic book store, I can share this brave carrot’s story with the world. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go burn a foil-embossed variant cover in memorandum of Clint.

Josh Jones
josh@comicattack.net