Super Types

March 12, 2011

Ye Olde School Café: Secret Wars pt 2

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Written by: Billy
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Hey everybody, welcome back to another week in Ye Olde School Café! In this week’s edition, we’ll continue our stroll through the monster that is know as Secret Wars! Last week (check out part 1 here), we saw the heroes investigating a strange structure in New York, and then they were subsequently whisked away to a space station. Also, we saw a multitude of villains sent to a space station orbiting  just outside the heroes’ location. After a quick introduction (and some fighting amongst each other), the two groups were transported to a planet that was created right before their eyes, specifically engineered for a battle between the two forces. The creator, the Beyonder, seems to be an omnipotent being that cannot be challenged, and even the mighty Galactus is put down like a child trying to reach the being responsible….

As Magneto strikes out on his own, he is followed by the Wasp (Janet van Dyne). Once he reaches a building that he’ll use as a base of operations, he realizes the Wasp has followed him. She threatens him, and he pretty much laughs at her. After he tells her how smart and beautiful he thinks she is, she calms down and talks with him. Then, mere moments later, she’s making out with him and I get the distinct feeling they consummate this new relationship (this could be my overactive imagination as well). Meanwhile, Thor is trying to stop the raging storms that are plaguing the heroes’ base of operations. Inside the facility, Professor X and his X-Men are contemplating joining Magneto. Just as they are about to take action, Spider-Man, who was eavesdropping, leaps out of a dark corner and tells them he’s going to “rat” on them. As Spidey web-swings into a hallway to tell Reed Richards, he suddenly forgets what he was going to say. It’s revealed that Professor X mentally commanded him to forget what he was going to say. The X-Men then decide to leave once the storm calms down. We also then see Dr. Doom try to persuade Magneto to join him, but Magneto refuses and Doom tells him he’ll regret it.

Speaking of Doom, we see his plans starting to come together. He has two subjects (Titania, Volcana) that he gives a power boost to. They seems to be loyal to him for now, but also want to prove their toughness and try to goad the Absorbing Man into a fight. As the storm rages on, Thor, who has now come inside, releases The Enchantress from her prison (she, along with a few others, have been captured by the heroes since the first battle). Switching scenes to Cap sleeping with the Hulk by his bedside (yeah, it is kind of weird), Cap wakes up and shouts that it’s morning already, and the storm has broken. The next moment shows the villains mounting an assault against the heroes’ base. They pretty much give the heroes a beating, especially She-Hulk and Captain Marvel (Photon). They free the captive villains, and then Molecule Man uses his tremendous power to bring the entire building down on the heroes! There is a quick scene with Molecule Man hitting on Volcana, which is hilarious at this point as well. We see the heroes digging their way out, but Molecule Man uses his powers to rip a mountain off its base and hurl it on top of them. We then see Thor and the Enchantress appear out of nowhere and into the midst of the villains. A battle royal breaks out, and Thor starts to put a beating on all of them, but then Ultron seemingly zaps him into dust. Doom tells everyone that he installed a new disintegrator beam when he rebuilt Ultron. As the villains watch in amazement, Doom then tells the group that one more piece of business needs attending to. Doom states that he knows Kang is the one who tried to kill him earlier and he commands Ultron to kill him, which he does. The group of villains are shocked to see such sociopathic behavior.

As the X-Men reach Magneto’s base, almost immediately a fight breaks out with the Wasp and the X-Men. She tells Magneto she was only playing with him to find out his plans the whole time. The X-Men try to stop her, but find it difficult to subdue someone with her abilities. As Janet takes off to warn the Avengers, Magneto and Xavier get into a scuffle about stopping her. On the other side of the planet, we see the Avengers are squashed beneath the mountain Molecule Man dropped on them, and the only thing keeping it from flattening them is the Hulk. Reed and Iron Man eventually find a way to use Tony’s armor and a few of the other heroes’ devices to get out from underneath the mountain, and then they are greeted by Thor. He explains that he used a flash of lightning to blind the villains and let them think he was killed by Ultron, so he could come and save them. After Photon does some searching, the heroes find a city inhabited by a humanoid race. The Torch starts to hit on one of the hot females right away, and Iron Man tells him he’s got no class. At this very moment, Ben Grimm inexplicably changes back into the Thing. He gets frustrated and walks off as Reed theorizes, but keeps it to himself for now. Just as the Thing is walking away, mighty Galactus raises his arms, and Reed gets very nervous.

As Galactus waves his hand, we see the reason is because his mighty ship has come to meet him (the one that houses all his devices that allow him to consume planets!). The aliens get scared, and Johnny tries to calm his new girlfriend down, but she runs into her house. He follows her in, and then the two basically get high on some fumes from what looks like a genie lamp. At this point, Johnny sees everything she has seen (basically what the reader has seen), and then after the buzz wears off, they make out (and again, I think it’s implied that it goes further than that). The mighty Russian Colossus is then shown, wondering, even dreaming perhaps about Kitty Pryde. In an instant, though, he’s mentally jarred by the Professor to come at once. Xavier and Magneto show the X-Men that Galactus has brought his ship, and then they make a game plan to try and stop him. Cyclops follows the orders given by the two, but is definitely starting to doubt his leader’s decision to team up with their enemy. As the Molecule Man and Volcana are walking around together, the Wrecking Crew makes fun of the odd couple. Volcana warns them to stop, but they don’t. Then the Molecule Man makes an example out of Piledriver. The rest of the Crew along with the Absorbing Man quiets down really quick after that lesson. The Wrecking Crew then notices Galactus’s ship hovering above and they run to tell Doom. Inside the base, the Enchantress is trying to get Doom under her spell by promising him that she’ll heal his scarred face. Initially it looks as if he’ll give into her charms, but then he brushes her aside, and she tells him he’ll regret it later.

That is where we’ll stop for now, but coming next week, Doom will go on the offensive, Galactus will bring one of his minions into the fray, and we will see what part Ulysses Klaw will play in this game of war!

Billy Dunleavy



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